How Do You Stop Self Sabotaging and Start Loving Yourself?

Do you find yourself in the prison of perfection? Are you afraid of failure and afraid of success? Do you constantly spiral from hesitation to desperation to expectation and so on?

If you want to stop being loyal to the negative feelings and thoughts that create unnecessary suffering in your life then learn to let go of habits and even people that have enslaved you, conditioned and limited your possibilities. You are about to open up yourself to the experience of real unconditional joy.

Joy is an experience of unity.  Our capacity to feel deep joy relates with our openness to see beauty in the world and in ourselves.

Some people believe that joy depends on external factors, for example, becoming a parent, having a sexual encounter with the person we love, receiving good news, etc.

However, if you allow yourself to feel joy right here right now you would be able to experience it without anything specific happening to you. That is because joy is not transactional, it doesn’t depend on other circumstances to be.

You can get a taste of the power of your mind and body to generate specific moods or emotional states without external input by taking a deep relaxing breath and bring into your awareness a moment when you felt deep joy. Make an effort to recall the elements surrounding the experience. For example, can you recall the temperature of the place where you experienced joy? The texture of the air? The quality of the light at that moment (bright, dim, muted,…)? Any sounds, shadows, movement (sway of trees, stillness of books, ocean wave, etc.)?

When we connect with our true nature, mind and body work together in harmony. Our spirit becomes strong and we feel fully alive. We appreciate everything that comes to our lives, we are more willing to face challenges and we develop a strong sense of trust in the unfolding nature of reality.

In order for this connection to last and become part of who we are, it becomes necessary to develop our attention and define our intention. To awaken these connections within us, we need to dedicate some time and effort to the creation and maintenance of new habits that can support a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

The main reason why our minds focus on the negative aspects is because our brains have been designed that way to keep us away from danger.

The result, it doesn’t matter how many good things happens to us in one day, the moment something we don’t enjoy happens, our day is ruined. It doesn’t matter if we are in a beautiful, peaceful space, if we receive an unpleasant notice, we move from heaven to hell without moving from our chairs. Sooner or later we pass from expressing gratitude and happiness for what we have, to feeling unsatisfied.  We desire more and start looking for something new.

To shift from a primitive, programed mind focused on negativity to one focused on the possibilities and opportunities around us, we use the same methods our brain used, only this time we do it deliberately; by repeating mental activity patterns and allowing these experiences to be installed or absorbed in us through conscious action.

It’s important to understand that I am not talking about positive thinking to turn your world into what you want. That might make some people feel temporarily good with themselves and to look happy to others around them. But when the moment something unexpected comes, it takes away all the “goodness”.

What I am referring is to expose yourself in full awareness to practices and situations where you can exercise, strengthen and develop sensations and feelings of security, connection, deep satisfaction, love, compassion, success, gratitude and peace. It is not a thinking task, it is an experiential mission.

Art, meditation, yoga, gardening, gaming and even doing dishes when done in full presence, transform the structure of our brains.  Hypnosis is an excellent tool to reinforce new habits if we want to make potent these effects.

All of us are in full capacity to transform and re-create ourselves anytime. However, mental and physical blocks can make the work harder, especially when we can’t count on a solid supportive environment, including people, places, and circumstances. This shouldn’t stop us.  Our limitations are opportunities to reach farther, to get out of the box and to learn to ask for help.

If you have seen the movie I Heart Huckabees you probably recognize the term existential detectives – those who help people solve personal issues, questions and quests through exposing them to rare, new ways of perceiving themselves and reality, and by immersing them into transformative actions. As an Awakening Consultant, I serve as a guide to provide people with a fun new set of tools and methods to live life differently. To gently and beautifully create the best version of themselves.  To welcome a bright present and a lucky future.

“If the sight of blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have been a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.”  – Eleonora Duse.

Paula.